Man arrested after he masturbates, dips butt in church’s holy water

God bless the internet for giving us a seemingly never-ending stream of strange stories.

On Tuesday of this week, a man in North Dakota was arrested after he allegedly masturbated, then dipped his buttocks into the holy water at his local church.

According to the Idaho Statesman, a man ingested methamphetamine then tried to attend church. Results were somewhat mixed.

> Spirit of Life Church in Mandan was holding its 9 a.m. service when 21-year-old Zachary Burdick walked in and started to strip, according to a police affidavit obtained by the Smoking Gun.

Witnesses at the church said that once Burdick was naked, he began walking down the aisle toward the altar as he masturbated, the affidavit said.

A witness who called police said there were 75 people at Mass during the incident, the affidavit said.

And according to the priest, Burdick was splashing around in a holy water fountain. The priest also added that the holy fountain will now need to be drained, cleaned, and sanitized… I assume with holy bleach?

A law enforcement spokesperson said that Burdick also tried to bless members of the congregation – a Roman Catholic church – using the Book of Mormon.

Burdick was arrested for criminal mischief, indecent exposure and ingestion of a controlled substance other than marijuana. Reportedly, this was revealed to the arresting officer as he explained that he was “tweaking.” Burdick was told by the officer that he shouldn’t masturbate in front of others, however Burdick explained that he was “trying to bust a nut.”

I guess that in the end, this was all part of God’s divine plan.

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While this story may be a bit humorous, it’s important to remember that substance abuse is a widespread problem, often rooted in untreated or undiagnosed mental health issues.

Cover image taken from the Spirit of Life Church’s Facebook page.

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