Jim B Wants NASA To Install Weed Dispensary On International Space Station
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Yesterday, along party lines, Rep. Jim Bridenstine (R-OK) was confirmed — just barely — by the United States Senate and will be the new NASA Administrator; he’s already making eyebrows raise.
Though Rep. Bridenstine has served on the House Committee on Science, Space, and Technology, his degrees are in business, economics, and psychology, not any applied physical science. Bridenstine has run the Tulsa Air and Space Museum, however, and the Trump administration believes that experience, combined with his career as a pilot in the Navy, and willingness to serve Trump with servility, should more than qualify him to oversee the largest and most critical space flight and experimentation organization in the history of humankind.
While he awaited the formality of being sworn in as NASA’s next administrator, Bridenstine gave reporters and the public a taste of what his reign could look like.
“Hey, I was thinking guys, what if we put a dispensary up on the international space thingy,” Bridenstine asked reporters.
Once they confirmed he was referring to the ISS, or International Space Station, they asked what kind of dispensary Bridenstine is considering putting on the station.
“A weed dispensary, of course! Today is 4/20 isn’t it? That got me to thinking maybe we could find a way to get a revenue stream going up on ISS. Right now, as it is, we’re just using it for like experiments and shit. That doesn’t sound like we’re really maximizing its potential, to me.”
Rep. Bridenstine indicated he’d be willing to send the marijuana up to ISS using a rocket powered diesel truck that would spew emissions into the air as it flew up into space.
“Look, as someone who doesn’t acknowledge anthropogenic climate change, I’m just thinking practically about how much space we need to get bricks of weed up into the space station,” Bridenstine said. “And if you get to roll some coal on the way up, all the better! GO AMERICA!”
It’s unclear at this time whether Mr. Bridenstine’s idea would get support from the chairman of the Senate’s subcommittee on space and science, Senator Ted Cruz of Texas. Cruz has largely been against the legalization of marijuana in the past. Reached for comment, Cruz said he is in favor of the idea of turning scientific endeavors into for-profit ones, but that he has some different ideas to accomplish that goal.
“I always thought that you could put a Chick-Fil-A up on that station,” Cruz said. “Or maybe a Bible store. That would go hand-in-hand with my proposal to change the spelling of science to ‘J-E-S-U-S.’ But I like that Jim’s already thinking outside the box, regardless.”
This story is developing.