Trump administration gives bailout to Toys ‘R’ Us, stopping chain’s closure

Alternative Science

WASHINGTON, DC – In a precedented move, Donald Trump and his administration have given a bailout to Toys ‘R’ Us, shortly after the popular toy company announced it would be closing all of its stores nationwide.

“ALL TOYS MATTER!,” shouted his supporters at a rally for the toy chain.

The announcement from Toys ‘R’ Us, was curious, following a Trump tweet about a positive jobs report from Toys ‘R’ Us, last fall.

Of course, this didn’t stop him from defending himself from his critics following the decision:

Just like the banks who sold predatory loans that they knew customers couldn’t afford in the early 2000s, Trump believes that Toys ‘R’ Us, is “too big to fail.”

Later, Trump told reporters more about his controversial decision to bail out the fallen toy giant.

“I look at all the toys they have in there. Have you ever been in one of their stores? They’re big. And I mean really big. They’re huge! And they have anything you could possibly want as a kid. They have bikes to trains to video games. It’s the biggest toy store there is! They’re part of the very fabric of American culture, and we simply can’t afford to lose them in a time like this.”

In a private dinner among friends last night, Trump went into more detail about the decision.

In a private dinner among friends last night, Trump went into more detail about the decision.

“We have illegal toys flooding in through our borders and from China. It’s ridiculous. We have a huge trade deficit with Canada on toys, too. I guess I don’t know if the statement about the trade deficit with Canada is true or not, but get this – I said it to Trudeau’s face and he didn’t immediately call me out on it. I mean, I don’t know if it’s true, I’m told it might not be, we’ll have to take a look at the numbers again and see, but what’s important is that it feels like it’s true, and if something feels true, I dare question if that doesn’t make it true. Isn’t truth relative?”